Anyone who knows me or has read any of my blog, knows that my family changed forever on April 14, 2012. I’ll never forget the order of events of that day. My husband left after an early lunch to attend the final sessions of the Apologetics conference, the kids were entertaining themselves for a change, so I took advantage of the rare quiet to retreat to the balcony and enjoy an early quiet time. Looking back now, it’s fascinating that I had just finished up the book of Job in my chronological study and was moving back into the end of Genesis. It was a very nice time in the Word and sweet conversation with God.
It seemed only minutes after I returned inside that my phone rang and my older sister gave me the news that brought me to my knees. My younger sister had been in a motorcycle accident and was unresponsive. Even through the calmness of my sister’s voice, my heart felt stomped on and there were no words, only tears. The rest of the afternoon was a waiting game, do we travel the 7 hours or not? When there was no change, we decided that being with my family was what God wanted us to do, so we made arrangements for the kids to stay with friends, and loaded up for the trip.
We arrived shortly after midnight. I’d prayed for a miracle the entire trip, and in my heart truly believed that it would happen. It made sense. I’ve prayed a miracle for my family for years. I’ve prayed for them to be drawn to Christ since my salvation. And I truly felt in my heart, this miracle would be it. Then, I walked into her ICU room.
I knew the moment I saw her that she wasn’t there. The machines were extending her physical presence, but I was 100% sure that spiritually she had been called home. My only thought for the next 24 hours was “God’s will is perfect.”
The amount of strength and peace God blessed me with over the next few days can only be described as supernatural. The comfort and peace that can only come from Him is something that I understand more now that at any point in my Christian walk. I can’t fathom how non-believers can truly heal from a loss such as this. I know that I still have deep wounds that will never completely heal, but I have found I can still experience true joy and true peace.
So, now, why did I add Satan’s trickery to the title? Because man has he slipped in tiny little cracks everywhere in the midst of hurt. Remember that precious study and prayer time I referenced at the beginning? Well, I realized about a week ago that April 14th was the last day I’d had an in-depth study and prayer time. Sure, I’ve had short readings and my regular “satellite” prayers, (The consistent daily prayers throughout the day) but my chronological study has been waiting my return. I sat and prayed and realized that Satan had planted a tiny fear (outright LIE) in my heart. “If you pick up that study, you’ll be hurt again.” **Insert massive amounts of repentance**
So, that is where he tricked me.
Now, to my family,please don’t let him oppress you. It’s so easy to seek solace in silence and retreating to loneliness. I pray for you to find and truly experience the true joy and true peace! No amount of substances will reveal it. No amount of withdrawal will uncover it. No amount of attempting to bring others down will build it. No shallow relationships will bring it. Only in Christ will you discover it. Only with His family will you feel it. You’ve all told me repeatedly that you know Him. I love you all and so pray it is true.